Fic: No Chance to Wake
September 10th, 2011 12:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skerenTitle: No Chance to Wake
Fandom: Death Note
Characters: Light, Near
Warnings: Implications of prior severe abuse
Word count: 1854
Notes: This Fic actually is a sequel to this story called Perfect Despair. I found that fic through Yaoi Gallery, oddly enough, through this picture as I was browsing an artist a friend linked me to. I noticed in the comments of the fic that the author wouldn’t mind seeing a sequel and wasn’t considering it herself, so I wrote this, as I’d felt inspired. Don’t read the prequel or look at the picture if blood and extremely dark themes bother you. This fic has enough background mentions you can get a feel for it without either item.
It was terrible.
Everything about the situation was absolutely horrific, and ultimately, that was what made it such a work of art. At least, those who realized why it had been done had that opinion. The police force that had spent years under Light’s command and influence didn’t agree with that view, and were utterly horrified by what had been done to the man. Ultimately, because of their view, that of Light’s innocence and victim status, they made it so much worse for him than anything anyone else would have been able to do.
They made him live.
They not only made him live, but they refused to believe the broken insistence Light Yagami gave them that he was Kira, that he was evil, that he’d done bad things to people that they might not have deserved. They presumed that he said these things because he had been severely abused, tortured, broken. They weren’t wrong, but that did not make the words lies. If anything, it enforced a strange sort of irony that in lacking belief in his insistence, they were further driving the man into madness.
Matsuda was the first that realized what they’d done, the damage that those close to Light had done, to the once proud, willful, younger man.
Often, he was considered the unobservant one, but he was the one that contacted Near, the one that snuck away from the others in their rounds of visiting or guarding Light in the hospital as though someone was going to return to do more damage to him. He was the one that asked the questions that the Yagami family refused to even consider for the lone surviving male.
Matsuda contacted him, then asked him if he believed that Light was Kira. When asked why, his answer was painfully simple.
He wanted to know if Light would be allowed to die if he was Kira.
There had been no answer Near could give him. Instead, the pale man has asked another question. He’d asked if Matsuda wished to help Light Yagami die.
Matsuda had said yes, and Near’s only answer was a long pause, then the declaration that that would help indeed.
The next day, Light had been remanded to ‘protective custody’ on grounds of the possibility that there had been signs that some within those who had access to Light were thinking of putting him down ‘because it would be kinder’.
It would have been, but that wasn’t how it was meant to go, and thus, Near had stepped in. Once again, Mello hadn’t done things well enough and Near was going to have to fix up the gaps in his plans without him ever fully realizing they’d been there in the first place. It was something that usually, Matt was the one doing, but there had been more than one occasion when it had been him, and doing so now was nothing new.
After all, if Light Yagami was not declared Kira, then Light Yagami did not get to die.
That was what brought Near to the door before him, the choice before him. He would not brutalize the man he’d acquired. He’d been a good playmate before Mello had jumped ahead of the game, after all. He was no longer a danger, could never again be a danger.
He did not have the anger at him that Mello had over L’s death. Near had, after all, never had a conversation with the man, had never had a reason to become attached. So too, was the case that Light had done nothing to personally harm him. Mello was fine, Matt was fine, and while he was irritated and unforgiving to them both, Light had refrained from killing the blond when he was more than aware he’d had the chance, and thus, he felt forgiving to the abused Kira.
Slightly. There was still much the man would atone for, but he was no longer in any position to do it.
Thus he was here in his headquarters, unknown of to any but the three remaining members of his staff and, even then, they didn’t fully know why. They weren’t going to know why either. Near was not a sharing sort of person, not really. He had his toys he liked to play with, and if he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t share.
He’d shared this one with Mello, and then Mello had gone and broken it, so he wasn’t about to make that particular mistake again. Even though he had no doubt the blond would, sooner or later, come banging down his door, demanding blood from Kira.
His answer would, of course, be simple. He’d tell Mello to go play with Misa Amane, as she was, after all, a Kira too, and one well forgotten in the games the men had been playing.
Finally pushing the door open, he looked over the form curled up on one corner of the bed, instantly realizing that the man was awake, and very likely confused at his change of scenery. Still, nothing was said, and even as he padded closer, there was no movement.
He didn’t make the mistake of thinking the man was harmless. Things with nothing to lose were often the most vicious, and thus, he kept up his guard. “Light Yagami, I know you are awake.”
The silence drew out after his softly spoken sentiment, and finally, slowly, the once handsome face lifted to give him a wary, unwelcoming stare. There was still bruising around his eyes, and the colors faded out to the most unattractive yellow, but the intelligence wasn’t gone. No, Light Yagami knew full well every second of the last month, and knew there would be no turning back from it.
“Better. You are not going to be executed.” He paused, noted the lack of surprise, the lack of pleasure. “You are not going to die, nor be allowed to kill yourself in the near, and very likely far, future either.”
”I was supposed to die.” The words were less than a whisper, a rasp. Insistent. “They told me I was going to be executed when they finished. They told me....” He fell into silence, thousands of things going unsaid that Near could likely guess at. All of them along lines that led to such a proud creature mourning the missing chance for escape.
“They thought you would. They made a mistake. One they won’t pay for in anything but you continuing to live and live.” A faint smirk danced across Near’s face, his fingers twirling in snowy hair. “And now, because of their mistake, you’re mine to deal with.”
Something in his demeanor must have rung familiar, because almost immediately Light was upright and pressed against the wall as far from Near as it was possible to get, eyes wide as he gritted his teeth, very likely to hold back a plea of some kind. “No.”
He tilted his head slowly to the side, taking in every nuance of the reaction. For all that he’d often professed a denial of interest in interrogation, Mello clearly had a beautiful flare for outright torture, to leave such a vicious mark. It made him wonder what had changed while he’d been with the Mafia, but he wasn’t going to contact him and ask. No, he had other matters to attend to, and right now, those were Light Yagami and tying up all the loose strings revolving around him so he would not be missed.
Ever.
It was time consuming, complicated, and just the sort of puzzle Near was willing to devote time to. Still, outright denial before he’d even done anything more than speak would not do. “Yes. However, I have no intention of going about things the way they did.” Slowly, carefully, he padded toward the older man. For all that he’d been through, Light Yagami still towered over him and had a better body mass, so he would have to take care.
Light, in turn, pressed closer to his corner, looking quite ready to lash out. “Don’t touch me.”
“Shhh. If you strike me, I’ll paralyze you, so put that thought right out of your head.” He put a knee on the bed, leaning forward on a hand. “I do not want to start this with pain for you or me. You’ve had quite enough of that recently, now haven’t you?”
The yield was small, the subtle submissive dip of the man’s eyes to the side before he looked back to him, and he did not relax. It was enough to satisfy, for now.
“Good. Now, I’m going to do something you might find alarming, can you hold still for me, or do you think you’ll need medical aid to do so?”
This time, it wasn’t submission in the look, but the ghost of a pride nearly beaten to death. “I can hold still.”
The smile he got was quietly satisfied, and as he reached out the hand he wasn’t leaning on, Near noted the way the man went rigid, clearly not even considering looking away from the appendage. Stubbornness was also there, keeping him from biting or lashing out. Good, very good. He was still trainable. Carefully, gently, pale fingertips brushed over Light’s hair, smoothing down the tangles as he carefully petted down the strands. Then, he simply pulled away, fully aware when he reached the edges of Light’s ability to be still.
The trembling in the man’s figure said it more than clearly enough. “Very good. Next time, I’ll bring a brush, and we can untangle your hair properly.”
With that, confusion flooded Light’s expression, and it was more than enough for another smug smile to flit over Near’s face as he backed off the bed and rose to his feet. “You’re leaving?”
“I’m leaving.” Near nodded slightly, turning to go for the door. “I recommend sleeping as you have a long recovery ahead of you.”
He was almost out of the room when Light found his voice again. “Why?”
The pale man paused, glancing over his shoulder at the huddled figure. “Because I want you to recover Yagami. You’ll learn more as I find you’re strong enough to handle it.”
Then, he slipped out, closing the door behind him. He had no doubt that would put a pause to any suicide attempts the man would have been considering. His mind was too active, too strong, to yield to despair when a puzzle was set before it, and Near had done just that.
It would still be difficult, coaxing the man into a proper companion, but it was doable. It would simple take delicate handling, patience, and a willingness to have the man utterly dependent on his good mood.
He found no problems in any of that.
Smiling, Near moved off to start making arrangements. The first step of the project had been a success. Now it was time to see if his methods worked better than Mello’s.
After all, the goal was to bring Kira to justice.
Nothing ever dictated that justice had to mean death.
Fandom: Death Note
Characters: Light, Near
Warnings: Implications of prior severe abuse
Word count: 1854
Notes: This Fic actually is a sequel to this story called Perfect Despair. I found that fic through Yaoi Gallery, oddly enough, through this picture as I was browsing an artist a friend linked me to. I noticed in the comments of the fic that the author wouldn’t mind seeing a sequel and wasn’t considering it herself, so I wrote this, as I’d felt inspired. Don’t read the prequel or look at the picture if blood and extremely dark themes bother you. This fic has enough background mentions you can get a feel for it without either item.
It was terrible.
Everything about the situation was absolutely horrific, and ultimately, that was what made it such a work of art. At least, those who realized why it had been done had that opinion. The police force that had spent years under Light’s command and influence didn’t agree with that view, and were utterly horrified by what had been done to the man. Ultimately, because of their view, that of Light’s innocence and victim status, they made it so much worse for him than anything anyone else would have been able to do.
They made him live.
They not only made him live, but they refused to believe the broken insistence Light Yagami gave them that he was Kira, that he was evil, that he’d done bad things to people that they might not have deserved. They presumed that he said these things because he had been severely abused, tortured, broken. They weren’t wrong, but that did not make the words lies. If anything, it enforced a strange sort of irony that in lacking belief in his insistence, they were further driving the man into madness.
Matsuda was the first that realized what they’d done, the damage that those close to Light had done, to the once proud, willful, younger man.
Often, he was considered the unobservant one, but he was the one that contacted Near, the one that snuck away from the others in their rounds of visiting or guarding Light in the hospital as though someone was going to return to do more damage to him. He was the one that asked the questions that the Yagami family refused to even consider for the lone surviving male.
Matsuda contacted him, then asked him if he believed that Light was Kira. When asked why, his answer was painfully simple.
He wanted to know if Light would be allowed to die if he was Kira.
There had been no answer Near could give him. Instead, the pale man has asked another question. He’d asked if Matsuda wished to help Light Yagami die.
Matsuda had said yes, and Near’s only answer was a long pause, then the declaration that that would help indeed.
The next day, Light had been remanded to ‘protective custody’ on grounds of the possibility that there had been signs that some within those who had access to Light were thinking of putting him down ‘because it would be kinder’.
It would have been, but that wasn’t how it was meant to go, and thus, Near had stepped in. Once again, Mello hadn’t done things well enough and Near was going to have to fix up the gaps in his plans without him ever fully realizing they’d been there in the first place. It was something that usually, Matt was the one doing, but there had been more than one occasion when it had been him, and doing so now was nothing new.
After all, if Light Yagami was not declared Kira, then Light Yagami did not get to die.
That was what brought Near to the door before him, the choice before him. He would not brutalize the man he’d acquired. He’d been a good playmate before Mello had jumped ahead of the game, after all. He was no longer a danger, could never again be a danger.
He did not have the anger at him that Mello had over L’s death. Near had, after all, never had a conversation with the man, had never had a reason to become attached. So too, was the case that Light had done nothing to personally harm him. Mello was fine, Matt was fine, and while he was irritated and unforgiving to them both, Light had refrained from killing the blond when he was more than aware he’d had the chance, and thus, he felt forgiving to the abused Kira.
Slightly. There was still much the man would atone for, but he was no longer in any position to do it.
Thus he was here in his headquarters, unknown of to any but the three remaining members of his staff and, even then, they didn’t fully know why. They weren’t going to know why either. Near was not a sharing sort of person, not really. He had his toys he liked to play with, and if he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t share.
He’d shared this one with Mello, and then Mello had gone and broken it, so he wasn’t about to make that particular mistake again. Even though he had no doubt the blond would, sooner or later, come banging down his door, demanding blood from Kira.
His answer would, of course, be simple. He’d tell Mello to go play with Misa Amane, as she was, after all, a Kira too, and one well forgotten in the games the men had been playing.
Finally pushing the door open, he looked over the form curled up on one corner of the bed, instantly realizing that the man was awake, and very likely confused at his change of scenery. Still, nothing was said, and even as he padded closer, there was no movement.
He didn’t make the mistake of thinking the man was harmless. Things with nothing to lose were often the most vicious, and thus, he kept up his guard. “Light Yagami, I know you are awake.”
The silence drew out after his softly spoken sentiment, and finally, slowly, the once handsome face lifted to give him a wary, unwelcoming stare. There was still bruising around his eyes, and the colors faded out to the most unattractive yellow, but the intelligence wasn’t gone. No, Light Yagami knew full well every second of the last month, and knew there would be no turning back from it.
“Better. You are not going to be executed.” He paused, noted the lack of surprise, the lack of pleasure. “You are not going to die, nor be allowed to kill yourself in the near, and very likely far, future either.”
”I was supposed to die.” The words were less than a whisper, a rasp. Insistent. “They told me I was going to be executed when they finished. They told me....” He fell into silence, thousands of things going unsaid that Near could likely guess at. All of them along lines that led to such a proud creature mourning the missing chance for escape.
“They thought you would. They made a mistake. One they won’t pay for in anything but you continuing to live and live.” A faint smirk danced across Near’s face, his fingers twirling in snowy hair. “And now, because of their mistake, you’re mine to deal with.”
Something in his demeanor must have rung familiar, because almost immediately Light was upright and pressed against the wall as far from Near as it was possible to get, eyes wide as he gritted his teeth, very likely to hold back a plea of some kind. “No.”
He tilted his head slowly to the side, taking in every nuance of the reaction. For all that he’d often professed a denial of interest in interrogation, Mello clearly had a beautiful flare for outright torture, to leave such a vicious mark. It made him wonder what had changed while he’d been with the Mafia, but he wasn’t going to contact him and ask. No, he had other matters to attend to, and right now, those were Light Yagami and tying up all the loose strings revolving around him so he would not be missed.
Ever.
It was time consuming, complicated, and just the sort of puzzle Near was willing to devote time to. Still, outright denial before he’d even done anything more than speak would not do. “Yes. However, I have no intention of going about things the way they did.” Slowly, carefully, he padded toward the older man. For all that he’d been through, Light Yagami still towered over him and had a better body mass, so he would have to take care.
Light, in turn, pressed closer to his corner, looking quite ready to lash out. “Don’t touch me.”
“Shhh. If you strike me, I’ll paralyze you, so put that thought right out of your head.” He put a knee on the bed, leaning forward on a hand. “I do not want to start this with pain for you or me. You’ve had quite enough of that recently, now haven’t you?”
The yield was small, the subtle submissive dip of the man’s eyes to the side before he looked back to him, and he did not relax. It was enough to satisfy, for now.
“Good. Now, I’m going to do something you might find alarming, can you hold still for me, or do you think you’ll need medical aid to do so?”
This time, it wasn’t submission in the look, but the ghost of a pride nearly beaten to death. “I can hold still.”
The smile he got was quietly satisfied, and as he reached out the hand he wasn’t leaning on, Near noted the way the man went rigid, clearly not even considering looking away from the appendage. Stubbornness was also there, keeping him from biting or lashing out. Good, very good. He was still trainable. Carefully, gently, pale fingertips brushed over Light’s hair, smoothing down the tangles as he carefully petted down the strands. Then, he simply pulled away, fully aware when he reached the edges of Light’s ability to be still.
The trembling in the man’s figure said it more than clearly enough. “Very good. Next time, I’ll bring a brush, and we can untangle your hair properly.”
With that, confusion flooded Light’s expression, and it was more than enough for another smug smile to flit over Near’s face as he backed off the bed and rose to his feet. “You’re leaving?”
“I’m leaving.” Near nodded slightly, turning to go for the door. “I recommend sleeping as you have a long recovery ahead of you.”
He was almost out of the room when Light found his voice again. “Why?”
The pale man paused, glancing over his shoulder at the huddled figure. “Because I want you to recover Yagami. You’ll learn more as I find you’re strong enough to handle it.”
Then, he slipped out, closing the door behind him. He had no doubt that would put a pause to any suicide attempts the man would have been considering. His mind was too active, too strong, to yield to despair when a puzzle was set before it, and Near had done just that.
It would still be difficult, coaxing the man into a proper companion, but it was doable. It would simple take delicate handling, patience, and a willingness to have the man utterly dependent on his good mood.
He found no problems in any of that.
Smiling, Near moved off to start making arrangements. The first step of the project had been a success. Now it was time to see if his methods worked better than Mello’s.
After all, the goal was to bring Kira to justice.
Nothing ever dictated that justice had to mean death.