Down a life
January 5th, 2006 06:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skerenTitle: Down a life
Pairing: Edward/Heiderich
Word count: 1,400+ (for once…)
Rating: R- there are a couple risqué references
Spoilers: If you know who Heiderich is, then no
Notes: Written for![[insanejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/ij-userinfo.gif)
celes_grant The title is a play off a phrase, kudos if you catch it. Onto the… Angst with Fluff trying? ::uncertain glance:: not sure if the Fluff managed to make it in there, you decide.
He was staring at him again. It didn’t happen a lot, but sometimes he’d catch his profile, and he’d end up staring the guy in the face until he met blue eyes, and the mirage faded away into so much wavering loss. It wasn’t bad to have the illusion dispelled, but there was always a swell of hurt.
Then again, it was likely a very good thing that the illusion got dispelled, otherwise he would have felt very disturbed to go over and kiss away the hint of vague curiosity that crept up again on the German’s face. It wouldn’t last, as his attempts at distraction never seemed to, but it was worth a decent shot. Hands wandered, clothes were un-tucked, and Edward had the horribly inappropriate thought that even if he didn’t want to, he got to say his brother set him up to be with this man.
If it hadn’t been for his bouts of staring, they never would have kissed. In fact, he was sure he might never have spoken to the man at all if the resemblance hadn’t been there first, reeling him in, making him crave familiarity that wasn’t actually there. He’d approached shyly at first, the cautious actions coming out of himself taking him by surprise, yet not. He’d never been exactly social in the first place. He’d been rather shocked when a quiet study invitation had been taken up with nearly overwhelming enthusiasm, as though he’d been the asked instead of the asker, and he’d gifted the man with a grand favor.
Then again, that might have been entirely because he had the best grades of his class, barely applicable prerequisites not withstanding. He liked to delude himself into thinking it was because he had caught the man’s interest in some other way.
From there, things had progressed, and then the staring had begun. The staring eventually drew curious glances, then more, starting to veer off into suspicions. Lastly the stares had finally drawn frustration and Edward had found himself being kissed breathless, only to moments later have the taller figure hovering, wondering if he’d assumed incorrectly, if he was about to have some overprotective neighbor come down on him, intent on hauling him away into the streets while screaming about how he was trying to defile another student.
Fortunately, Edward had the presence of mind to avoid that little scenario, catching the man’s sleeve quickly before he could get away, and he’d tried to smile. A bewildered smile, most certainly, considering he’d never expected to be kissed in the first place, but he had done his best to reassure. That had somehow turned into him kissing the man to keep him from voicing those questions that were starting to lurk in his eyes.
Diving under someone’s shirt was supposed to keep them occupied, wasn’t it? It usually worked at least, and he was certain that he himself never had very many thoughts going through his head whenever Alfons had decided he’d had enough of his babble, and that a break was required before their notes killed them. He was sure that notes and study could do no such thing, but it was horribly difficult to concentrate when someone’s tongue was doing terribly interesting things to your nipple.
Thus, Edward was justifiably bothered when he realized that the blue eyed man was talking. Coherently no less. “Edward, we need to talk.”
Nobody could ever claim that he was anything but persistent as he quickly shook his head, hand going for the other blond’s pants. “No, I’m really sure that it can wait for just a few more minutes, right?”
Deft hands caught him by the shoulders before he could dive back into his attempt at distraction, and a stern gave informed him flatly and no, this could not wait, and he was highly annoyed with him for saying so… even if he did appreciate the enthusiasm. “Not this time. Look, Edward, this is something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now, so just let me, okay?”
“You sure?” His hand hadn’t left the man, though it had gone to run up along his stomach in a kneading motion, gold eyes wide with innocent inquiry.
Lips twisting wryly, the man caught the wandering hand in his own, and he nodded. “Yes, I’m completely sure. You can just not tell me the answer if you’re that worried, but I want to know okay?”
“Or we could just avoid the asking and get back to what we were doing…?” A little huff of air followed the words, a bid to get the hair out of his eyes, and also an attempt to look cute, harmless, in hopes that it would distract where trying to grope the man had failed.
“Ya know, sometimes you make me wonder just who you are under all that.” The words were almost playful, but had a serious undertone.
Reluctantly depositing himself next to the taller figure, Edward glanced around, certain that some much yearned for sort of distraction had passed him by when he hadn’t been paying attention. “Under all what? I’m not trying all that hard to be mysterious you know.”
“But you are. That’s the whole thing. You do try, and I can’t believe I never noticed that before.” Twisting on the sofa, the German leaned in, turning the smaller blond’s chin so he had to look him in the face. “Why do you stare at me like that?”
“Like what?” He was going to get asked the question, he was sure of it. He’d been avoiding it for months, nigh on years now, and the man’s patience had finally come to an end. He still didn’t have any idea how he should be answering.
“Like… like you’re seeing something in me that I know I’m not.” He paused, a slight sadness tingeing his smile as he stroked his hand away from Edward’s face to clasp the smaller hand in both of his large ones. “Who do you see when you look at me? I won’t be offended, I promise, but I want to know…”
“Alfons…” Gold flit down, to the side, back to the patient features of his friend, lover. He couldn’t lie. It would be cruel to give him anything but the truth, but he wasn’t sure the truth was anything better. “You… You remind me of a couple people. Back home. One a lot more than the other… But… that doesn’t matter right? I know you’re you, and that’s what matters, right?”
“Edward. I need to know.”
How could the man be so calm? Edward couldn’t fathom it, but he took a shaky breath and met blue eyes. Blue eyes he’d seen before, but the man hardly resembled either person that had had that shade. Still, it soothed his nerves. Blue always soothed his nerves. He didn’t get it, but he had the sneaking suspicion it had to do with the color that Al’s armor was. “You remind me… you remind me of someone I was really close to.”
“I can understand that.” A faint smile crossed his face. “You weren’t exactly subtle in your early Heiderich watching you know. But, that still doesn’t tell me who, or if… or if you’ve somehow been trying to use me to replace them.”
“You couldn’t.” The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to think, and he scrambled to put things to rights before they could break, having seen the hint of hurt cross his lover’s face. “It wasn’t like this. We weren’t together. Believe me, there is absolutely no way that…” He shook his head furiously.
Obviously seeing the smaller male was about to work himself up into an explaining frenzy, Alfons caught Edward’s ponytail, abruptly stilling his actions. “Okay, alright. I’m convinced, I don’t remind you of some other lover someplace. That helps quite a bit to know actually. I can back off now feeling much relieved now you know.”
He really didn’t know what to do with the playful smile that he was being given for a moment, and the alchemist moved forward to give him a tight hug as soon as his hair was released. “Thanks.”
He didn’t see the sad look on the taller figure’s face as he rested his cheek against his hair though, and the German made sure to keep his voice light. “It’s fine. That’s all I really needed to know anyway.”
Edward believed him.
It wasn’t true.
Pairing: Edward/Heiderich
Word count: 1,400+ (for once…)
Rating: R- there are a couple risqué references
Spoilers: If you know who Heiderich is, then no
Notes: Written for
celes_grant The title is a play off a phrase, kudos if you catch it. Onto the… Angst with Fluff trying? ::uncertain glance:: not sure if the Fluff managed to make it in there, you decide. He was staring at him again. It didn’t happen a lot, but sometimes he’d catch his profile, and he’d end up staring the guy in the face until he met blue eyes, and the mirage faded away into so much wavering loss. It wasn’t bad to have the illusion dispelled, but there was always a swell of hurt.
Then again, it was likely a very good thing that the illusion got dispelled, otherwise he would have felt very disturbed to go over and kiss away the hint of vague curiosity that crept up again on the German’s face. It wouldn’t last, as his attempts at distraction never seemed to, but it was worth a decent shot. Hands wandered, clothes were un-tucked, and Edward had the horribly inappropriate thought that even if he didn’t want to, he got to say his brother set him up to be with this man.
If it hadn’t been for his bouts of staring, they never would have kissed. In fact, he was sure he might never have spoken to the man at all if the resemblance hadn’t been there first, reeling him in, making him crave familiarity that wasn’t actually there. He’d approached shyly at first, the cautious actions coming out of himself taking him by surprise, yet not. He’d never been exactly social in the first place. He’d been rather shocked when a quiet study invitation had been taken up with nearly overwhelming enthusiasm, as though he’d been the asked instead of the asker, and he’d gifted the man with a grand favor.
Then again, that might have been entirely because he had the best grades of his class, barely applicable prerequisites not withstanding. He liked to delude himself into thinking it was because he had caught the man’s interest in some other way.
From there, things had progressed, and then the staring had begun. The staring eventually drew curious glances, then more, starting to veer off into suspicions. Lastly the stares had finally drawn frustration and Edward had found himself being kissed breathless, only to moments later have the taller figure hovering, wondering if he’d assumed incorrectly, if he was about to have some overprotective neighbor come down on him, intent on hauling him away into the streets while screaming about how he was trying to defile another student.
Fortunately, Edward had the presence of mind to avoid that little scenario, catching the man’s sleeve quickly before he could get away, and he’d tried to smile. A bewildered smile, most certainly, considering he’d never expected to be kissed in the first place, but he had done his best to reassure. That had somehow turned into him kissing the man to keep him from voicing those questions that were starting to lurk in his eyes.
Diving under someone’s shirt was supposed to keep them occupied, wasn’t it? It usually worked at least, and he was certain that he himself never had very many thoughts going through his head whenever Alfons had decided he’d had enough of his babble, and that a break was required before their notes killed them. He was sure that notes and study could do no such thing, but it was horribly difficult to concentrate when someone’s tongue was doing terribly interesting things to your nipple.
Thus, Edward was justifiably bothered when he realized that the blue eyed man was talking. Coherently no less. “Edward, we need to talk.”
Nobody could ever claim that he was anything but persistent as he quickly shook his head, hand going for the other blond’s pants. “No, I’m really sure that it can wait for just a few more minutes, right?”
Deft hands caught him by the shoulders before he could dive back into his attempt at distraction, and a stern gave informed him flatly and no, this could not wait, and he was highly annoyed with him for saying so… even if he did appreciate the enthusiasm. “Not this time. Look, Edward, this is something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now, so just let me, okay?”
“You sure?” His hand hadn’t left the man, though it had gone to run up along his stomach in a kneading motion, gold eyes wide with innocent inquiry.
Lips twisting wryly, the man caught the wandering hand in his own, and he nodded. “Yes, I’m completely sure. You can just not tell me the answer if you’re that worried, but I want to know okay?”
“Or we could just avoid the asking and get back to what we were doing…?” A little huff of air followed the words, a bid to get the hair out of his eyes, and also an attempt to look cute, harmless, in hopes that it would distract where trying to grope the man had failed.
“Ya know, sometimes you make me wonder just who you are under all that.” The words were almost playful, but had a serious undertone.
Reluctantly depositing himself next to the taller figure, Edward glanced around, certain that some much yearned for sort of distraction had passed him by when he hadn’t been paying attention. “Under all what? I’m not trying all that hard to be mysterious you know.”
“But you are. That’s the whole thing. You do try, and I can’t believe I never noticed that before.” Twisting on the sofa, the German leaned in, turning the smaller blond’s chin so he had to look him in the face. “Why do you stare at me like that?”
“Like what?” He was going to get asked the question, he was sure of it. He’d been avoiding it for months, nigh on years now, and the man’s patience had finally come to an end. He still didn’t have any idea how he should be answering.
“Like… like you’re seeing something in me that I know I’m not.” He paused, a slight sadness tingeing his smile as he stroked his hand away from Edward’s face to clasp the smaller hand in both of his large ones. “Who do you see when you look at me? I won’t be offended, I promise, but I want to know…”
“Alfons…” Gold flit down, to the side, back to the patient features of his friend, lover. He couldn’t lie. It would be cruel to give him anything but the truth, but he wasn’t sure the truth was anything better. “You… You remind me of a couple people. Back home. One a lot more than the other… But… that doesn’t matter right? I know you’re you, and that’s what matters, right?”
“Edward. I need to know.”
How could the man be so calm? Edward couldn’t fathom it, but he took a shaky breath and met blue eyes. Blue eyes he’d seen before, but the man hardly resembled either person that had had that shade. Still, it soothed his nerves. Blue always soothed his nerves. He didn’t get it, but he had the sneaking suspicion it had to do with the color that Al’s armor was. “You remind me… you remind me of someone I was really close to.”
“I can understand that.” A faint smile crossed his face. “You weren’t exactly subtle in your early Heiderich watching you know. But, that still doesn’t tell me who, or if… or if you’ve somehow been trying to use me to replace them.”
“You couldn’t.” The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to think, and he scrambled to put things to rights before they could break, having seen the hint of hurt cross his lover’s face. “It wasn’t like this. We weren’t together. Believe me, there is absolutely no way that…” He shook his head furiously.
Obviously seeing the smaller male was about to work himself up into an explaining frenzy, Alfons caught Edward’s ponytail, abruptly stilling his actions. “Okay, alright. I’m convinced, I don’t remind you of some other lover someplace. That helps quite a bit to know actually. I can back off now feeling much relieved now you know.”
He really didn’t know what to do with the playful smile that he was being given for a moment, and the alchemist moved forward to give him a tight hug as soon as his hair was released. “Thanks.”
He didn’t see the sad look on the taller figure’s face as he rested his cheek against his hair though, and the German made sure to keep his voice light. “It’s fine. That’s all I really needed to know anyway.”
Edward believed him.
It wasn’t true.