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skerenTitle: Momentos
Fandom: FF7
Character: Cloud
Rating: G
Words: 1778
Summary: On getting Zack's things from Shinra, he hadn't expected a will.
Note: I've been playing with this idea for a while, but finally was in the right mode to write it tonight. Enjoy.
It had taken a long time, but he'd finally gotten his things, and Zack's, from Shinra. Somewhere in there, the official papers had yielded up a will alongside a box with things inside of it. Some of the items, small things, had been designated to go to Aeris, others Sephiroth, a bundle for him, and a letter that was supposed to go to his parents.
Aeris' treasures consisted of a copper toned barrette that he vaguely remembered Zack wearing once as a joke, and his belt. That had made a small wistful smile cross his face, because Aeris had joked about that belt enough that it stuck in his memories, at least the last dredges of them that came to mind on seeing it. There was also a letter, but he wasn't going to take that, wasn't going to open it. No, the letter was going to the church where Aeris could look it over at her leisure. It didn't matter if she wasn't alive anymore, those last words only belonged to her.
He wasn’t quite sure how to interpret the items that had been set up to be given to Sephiroth when Zack died.
Gloves, a small ivory toned picture Cloud didn't remember having ever seen before, and a purple cotton robe that was folded under both. Zack had called that robe his little luxury, but he'd never worn it that he could remember. Even though his memory might be wrong, it certainly didn't look like it had ever been taken out more than once or twice. He had the feeling that much like the barrette, there had been other reasons for him having shown around this possession. There was another letter, just as thick as Aeris' and he didn't even consider looking at it. He might, later, but not now.
It was still too soon to know how badly everything had changed between them right now… If he ever could bring himself to find out at all.
Then, at the bottom of the box, was his wrapped bundle. Unwrapping the paper revealed a set of multi color chocobo feathers laying on top, and, after a moment of staring, he decided that Zack must have plucked one from every bird in the stables for this. Toying with the fluffy mass for a moment, he looked back into the bundle and reached in, picking up a little audio recorder that was sitting on what now was considered the top of the stack. It was sitting crosswise on a thick letter, and under that was a shirt. He recognized it easily as the one Zack liked best. He hadn't liked it for that himself, but it had always fit right because Zack had worn the hem away.
More memories he'd forgotten until he'd seen momentos of them.
Blinking his eyes a bit, he gently put the recorder on the ground, then the shirt in his lap on top of the feathers. He'd had years to get used to the idea, had even seen Zack himself for a few moments in the church a few months before. Did he really want to possibly open up those sores again? Hesitating just a little longer, he shook his head and chided himself for being stupid. He was finally getting a goodbye, a chance to find out what final impression the man had wanted him to have.
Besides, if he couldn't handle a letter, how could he handle whatever was on the recorder, if anything?
Satisfied at his logic, he pulled loose the bundle of papers and pressed it open with his palm. It was dated just a few weeks before records said when the Nibelheim mission had been.
He doubted that Zack had really expected these to be needed so soon after that.
Heya Spike,
I know this isn't something you're likely to ever see, hell, we both know how stubborn I am, right? Not as stubborn as you, true, but I've got that dumb luck thing on my side. And don't you dare blame it on a materia either, we know that's not the case. When you finish reading this, give the shirt a shake and a little luck should fall out. I hid it in case of grave robbers.
He paused his reading to follow the instructions to, wanting to make sure that it was really there. Just like he'd been told, there was a materia hidden in the folded cloth. Instead of letting himself think about the possible implications of that, he looked back to the letter.
I bet you looked, didn't you? Ha!
All joking aside though, I bet you're not reading this until you're old and gray, are you? Well, maybe not gray. If Seph's any indication, SOLDIERs all go silver when they go all frizzed with age. Not saying Seph's old or anything, but I'd like to think that's one of the really nice fringe benefits, y'know? You and me turned into silver haired overpowered glowy-eyed paper pushers together, right? Right. Because you made SOLDIER I bet, just like we were working on. I bet you even made it all the way to the top.
You never believed me, but you really did put allot into those fights. I wasn't slowing down for you kid, you were just getting better and better. I bet you kept on getting better until you gave Seph a run for his money too, didn't you? Snatch the title of greatest SOLDIER right out from under his nose?
And I bet I'm rehashing old news, things we've gone over and teased the guy for more than once. Well, I likely did the teasing, you likely helped Seph sigh at me. But that's okay, right?
He caught himself shaking his head, fingers tightening on the paper, and he eased his grip, not wanting to lose any of the words to an accident.
Okay, I admit it, I'm rambling here. I don't know what to say to you on paper. Hell, I can look out the window right this minute to see your unit doing drills on the open grounds. It makes it really hard to think of you as old. Even the idea of thinking of me as old is a bit jarring, y'know?
But I'll get there. I don't have any doubts at all you won't read this for a long time to come, because I wouldn't leave you and Seph alone. What would you guys do without me, your most awesome of Zack people? Likely argue I bet. Or merge at the brain. Have I ever mentioned you guys are kinda scary when you team up?
I bet I haven't, because I wouldn't want you guys to get it in your heads to tie me to a chair or something and leave me there. ☺ Okay, maybe you wouldn't do that.
For too long anyway. Okay, if you did it, you guys at least fed me, right? Let me go pee when I needed to?
Of course you did. Because you both love me very very much and you'd never ever leave me tied to a chair for hours on end.
Exactly.
Right then! Last will and testament, yadda yadda yadda. The stuff in your bundle is yours. Hear? No giving it away just because other people miss me. If they miss me, then I'd like to really hope that you miss me too. Yeah, a little selfish there, but after our long life together betwixt the sheets of love… And I swear I just felt the chill of your glare go up my back kid.
How do you do that?
He had to stop for a minute, putting the papers down to press his fingers against his eyes between one page and the next. He could almost hear the man talking to him, and while that was nice, it was also… sad. The tone, even the look the man had to have had in his eyes when he wrote certain lines was almost too vivid in his mind's eye.
So many things about the man had gone hazy in the years between now and then that he'd almost forgotten what some of those quirks had been. Shaking his head, he slowly picked the papers back up, turning the page to continue reading.
I do love you though you know. You better know it by the time you get this, or I seriously need an ass kicking for taking my sweet ass time letting you know just how I feel. I know you might not be into guys, might not ever have been, but I'd like to think I didn't fuck it up when I told you I loved you Spike.
I didn't, right? Not huge rifts between us when you get this, having not seen me for years and years on end?
I don't really like that thought. I don't like the thought of dying either, but I'm writing for that eventuality here, so I suppose I'm just going to have to deal with the possibility that somewhere along the way I did something to drive you off.
I'd be more than happy to pretend that's not an option though, you know? You're one of my best pals. You and Seph are my male universe. He needs me, you need me, and I got Aeris tucked away over with her flowers when I need someone to help me with you guys. Seph'd love her if he'd ever let me drag him down with you to see her, I'm sure of it. Maybe soon, yeah?
Yeah.
I think… Spike, you be good. You be happy, hear me? If I've gone on ahead, don't you dare keep grieving forever. I'll be keeping an eye on you to make sure you don't.
Now, you have a whole stack of letters from me to read, and I'm gonna add a new one every time I update this thing, so they'll be in order. Oh! And I recorded a bit of my singing for your eternal enjoyment there, take a listen.
Much Love,
Zack
It wasn't until he felt wet hit his arm that he realized he'd bitten his lip clean through. As soon as he realized it he cursed, moving things so there was no chance he'd get blood on any of the precious little momentos. Taking his accidental distraction as what it offered, he quickly left the study with its gifts from and to the dead so he could clean his face, not quite able to meet his own eyes in the mirror as he let himself think about what he'd read.
And what he'd never get a chance at.
Fandom: FF7
Character: Cloud
Rating: G
Words: 1778
Summary: On getting Zack's things from Shinra, he hadn't expected a will.
Note: I've been playing with this idea for a while, but finally was in the right mode to write it tonight. Enjoy.
It had taken a long time, but he'd finally gotten his things, and Zack's, from Shinra. Somewhere in there, the official papers had yielded up a will alongside a box with things inside of it. Some of the items, small things, had been designated to go to Aeris, others Sephiroth, a bundle for him, and a letter that was supposed to go to his parents.
Aeris' treasures consisted of a copper toned barrette that he vaguely remembered Zack wearing once as a joke, and his belt. That had made a small wistful smile cross his face, because Aeris had joked about that belt enough that it stuck in his memories, at least the last dredges of them that came to mind on seeing it. There was also a letter, but he wasn't going to take that, wasn't going to open it. No, the letter was going to the church where Aeris could look it over at her leisure. It didn't matter if she wasn't alive anymore, those last words only belonged to her.
He wasn’t quite sure how to interpret the items that had been set up to be given to Sephiroth when Zack died.
Gloves, a small ivory toned picture Cloud didn't remember having ever seen before, and a purple cotton robe that was folded under both. Zack had called that robe his little luxury, but he'd never worn it that he could remember. Even though his memory might be wrong, it certainly didn't look like it had ever been taken out more than once or twice. He had the feeling that much like the barrette, there had been other reasons for him having shown around this possession. There was another letter, just as thick as Aeris' and he didn't even consider looking at it. He might, later, but not now.
It was still too soon to know how badly everything had changed between them right now… If he ever could bring himself to find out at all.
Then, at the bottom of the box, was his wrapped bundle. Unwrapping the paper revealed a set of multi color chocobo feathers laying on top, and, after a moment of staring, he decided that Zack must have plucked one from every bird in the stables for this. Toying with the fluffy mass for a moment, he looked back into the bundle and reached in, picking up a little audio recorder that was sitting on what now was considered the top of the stack. It was sitting crosswise on a thick letter, and under that was a shirt. He recognized it easily as the one Zack liked best. He hadn't liked it for that himself, but it had always fit right because Zack had worn the hem away.
More memories he'd forgotten until he'd seen momentos of them.
Blinking his eyes a bit, he gently put the recorder on the ground, then the shirt in his lap on top of the feathers. He'd had years to get used to the idea, had even seen Zack himself for a few moments in the church a few months before. Did he really want to possibly open up those sores again? Hesitating just a little longer, he shook his head and chided himself for being stupid. He was finally getting a goodbye, a chance to find out what final impression the man had wanted him to have.
Besides, if he couldn't handle a letter, how could he handle whatever was on the recorder, if anything?
Satisfied at his logic, he pulled loose the bundle of papers and pressed it open with his palm. It was dated just a few weeks before records said when the Nibelheim mission had been.
He doubted that Zack had really expected these to be needed so soon after that.
Heya Spike,
I know this isn't something you're likely to ever see, hell, we both know how stubborn I am, right? Not as stubborn as you, true, but I've got that dumb luck thing on my side. And don't you dare blame it on a materia either, we know that's not the case. When you finish reading this, give the shirt a shake and a little luck should fall out. I hid it in case of grave robbers.
He paused his reading to follow the instructions to, wanting to make sure that it was really there. Just like he'd been told, there was a materia hidden in the folded cloth. Instead of letting himself think about the possible implications of that, he looked back to the letter.
I bet you looked, didn't you? Ha!
All joking aside though, I bet you're not reading this until you're old and gray, are you? Well, maybe not gray. If Seph's any indication, SOLDIERs all go silver when they go all frizzed with age. Not saying Seph's old or anything, but I'd like to think that's one of the really nice fringe benefits, y'know? You and me turned into silver haired overpowered glowy-eyed paper pushers together, right? Right. Because you made SOLDIER I bet, just like we were working on. I bet you even made it all the way to the top.
You never believed me, but you really did put allot into those fights. I wasn't slowing down for you kid, you were just getting better and better. I bet you kept on getting better until you gave Seph a run for his money too, didn't you? Snatch the title of greatest SOLDIER right out from under his nose?
And I bet I'm rehashing old news, things we've gone over and teased the guy for more than once. Well, I likely did the teasing, you likely helped Seph sigh at me. But that's okay, right?
He caught himself shaking his head, fingers tightening on the paper, and he eased his grip, not wanting to lose any of the words to an accident.
Okay, I admit it, I'm rambling here. I don't know what to say to you on paper. Hell, I can look out the window right this minute to see your unit doing drills on the open grounds. It makes it really hard to think of you as old. Even the idea of thinking of me as old is a bit jarring, y'know?
But I'll get there. I don't have any doubts at all you won't read this for a long time to come, because I wouldn't leave you and Seph alone. What would you guys do without me, your most awesome of Zack people? Likely argue I bet. Or merge at the brain. Have I ever mentioned you guys are kinda scary when you team up?
I bet I haven't, because I wouldn't want you guys to get it in your heads to tie me to a chair or something and leave me there. ☺ Okay, maybe you wouldn't do that.
For too long anyway. Okay, if you did it, you guys at least fed me, right? Let me go pee when I needed to?
Of course you did. Because you both love me very very much and you'd never ever leave me tied to a chair for hours on end.
Exactly.
Right then! Last will and testament, yadda yadda yadda. The stuff in your bundle is yours. Hear? No giving it away just because other people miss me. If they miss me, then I'd like to really hope that you miss me too. Yeah, a little selfish there, but after our long life together betwixt the sheets of love… And I swear I just felt the chill of your glare go up my back kid.
How do you do that?
He had to stop for a minute, putting the papers down to press his fingers against his eyes between one page and the next. He could almost hear the man talking to him, and while that was nice, it was also… sad. The tone, even the look the man had to have had in his eyes when he wrote certain lines was almost too vivid in his mind's eye.
So many things about the man had gone hazy in the years between now and then that he'd almost forgotten what some of those quirks had been. Shaking his head, he slowly picked the papers back up, turning the page to continue reading.
I do love you though you know. You better know it by the time you get this, or I seriously need an ass kicking for taking my sweet ass time letting you know just how I feel. I know you might not be into guys, might not ever have been, but I'd like to think I didn't fuck it up when I told you I loved you Spike.
I didn't, right? Not huge rifts between us when you get this, having not seen me for years and years on end?
I don't really like that thought. I don't like the thought of dying either, but I'm writing for that eventuality here, so I suppose I'm just going to have to deal with the possibility that somewhere along the way I did something to drive you off.
I'd be more than happy to pretend that's not an option though, you know? You're one of my best pals. You and Seph are my male universe. He needs me, you need me, and I got Aeris tucked away over with her flowers when I need someone to help me with you guys. Seph'd love her if he'd ever let me drag him down with you to see her, I'm sure of it. Maybe soon, yeah?
Yeah.
I think… Spike, you be good. You be happy, hear me? If I've gone on ahead, don't you dare keep grieving forever. I'll be keeping an eye on you to make sure you don't.
Now, you have a whole stack of letters from me to read, and I'm gonna add a new one every time I update this thing, so they'll be in order. Oh! And I recorded a bit of my singing for your eternal enjoyment there, take a listen.
Much Love,
Zack
It wasn't until he felt wet hit his arm that he realized he'd bitten his lip clean through. As soon as he realized it he cursed, moving things so there was no chance he'd get blood on any of the precious little momentos. Taking his accidental distraction as what it offered, he quickly left the study with its gifts from and to the dead so he could clean his face, not quite able to meet his own eyes in the mirror as he let himself think about what he'd read.
And what he'd never get a chance at.